Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
