Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
