apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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