the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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