I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
