Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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