Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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