Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
