what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
