wat bout pragnant strippers??
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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