i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
