anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
