I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
