I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
