My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
