i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no you cant smoke seaweed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
