I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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