When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
