Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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