I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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