the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
