Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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