Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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