she peed on how many people?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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