So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
