I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
