i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize