Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
