Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I see more hoeing in ur future
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