if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
