Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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