I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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