i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm both gender and math confused
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
