Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
