Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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