just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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