girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize