Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
