My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
