i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You made out with two different species that night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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