Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
