I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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