This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
