Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
