Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
