This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
