4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
