my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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