then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
