Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
