It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
