It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
