how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize