No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
