Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
