apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize