just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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