Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
