We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
