goodnight i made you a song goodbye
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
