What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
