put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
