Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
