i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just had sex on a roof
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A+ Viking dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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