But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
