Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
