you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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