Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
